Two decades ago, Paul Simon announced their existence to the world…
Fifty (50) ways to leave your lover. But Paul, either out of
possessiveness or sheer ignorance, did not list them all;
he merely repeated the same five ways over and over in his song.
And one was, “you don’t need to be coy, Roy,” which isn’t even a
way so much as a really bad rhyme.

Until now, we’ve had to take the other forty-five ways on faith,
and leave it as one of the great unanswered questions in pop music.
The wait is over. After much investigation, here are The Other Forty-Five:

Let’s remember the five “ways” Paul already gave us:
(1) Slip out the back, Jack
(2) Make a new plan, Stan
(3) You don’t need to be coy, Roy
(4) Hop on the bus, Gus
(5) Drop off the key, Lee

Now, the rest:
(6) Hop on your cycle, Michael
(7) Flag down a cabbie, Abby
(8) Ride off in your Porsche, Portia
(9) Ask to be free more, Seymour
(10) Say you need space, Grace
(11) Send a facsimile, Emily
(12) Send her to Paris, Harris
(13) Put her on the spot, Scott
(14) Mention your spouse, Klaus
(15) Tell her you’re gay, Ray
(16) Tell her you’re straight, Kate
(17) Take back the diamond, Simon
(18) Give the usual spiel, Neil
(19) Wish him death, Beth
(20) Call her a (very bad name to call a woman), Rich
(21) Hire a hit man, Rip Van
(22) Just be yourself, Dick
(23) Throw her off a bridge, Etheridge
(24) Sweep her under a rug, Doug
(25) Give him salmonella, Priscilla
(26) Fit her for concrete pants, Lance
(27) Hire a hit man, Rip van
(28) Toss her in the bay, Dre
(29) Give her the scoop, Snoop
(30) Go bury your bone, Jones
(31) Make him fret, Juliet
(32) Kick him in the spleen, Nadine
(33) Tell her you just chillin’, Dylan
(34) Mention your V.D., Edie
(35) Use your auto, Otto
(36) Give her “Boo, hisses!,” Ulysses
(37) Be open & honest to her about how, although you
love her, you think you need some time apart to
grow and find out how you really feel, Shaquille
(38) Maybe a Winchester, Esther?
(39) Let it get all messy, Jessie
(40) Kick him in the melon, Helen
(41) Hop on a plane, Jane
(42) Give two weeks notice, Otis
(43) Start wearing a skirt, Bert
(44) She’s really a him, Jim
(45) Move to Uganda, Wanda